Volleyball tourney today. It was alright… We didn’t do that bad, actually. I got so tired though, and I was moving at a pace equivalent to a snail.
If you don’t win, I think it’s better to lose, and have played your best, rather than give up. At least you know you tried your hardest, and that’s exactly what we did. I mean, sure, there were moments where it was just like, duh! You could have gotten it, but overall, we played our best. And yeah.

Let’s see… Eclipse tryouts tomorrow. I have nothing left to say…

It was a rather good day.

Damn straight. Writing slash is fun, yeah? I don’t care if I suck. It’s still fun. And another thing is… I can actually see some of the people together that I write about. ^^ And if you tell me not to write about you, I’m bound to do it. Puahahaha.

Man… I am the world’s greatest idiot for dropping out of marching band. *bangs head, head bangs* But yeah, please don’t remind me. If I was still in, I’d be at Magic Mountain right now, having the time of my life, but noooooo. I’m stupid.

There’s always next year, and Winter Perc.

I’m actually in a relatively good mood right now, and I’ve all of a sudden run out of things to say.

I have two new hostees, both friends of mine. I need to add Ariane of Chemical-Sleep.Org to the portal. But I can’t do that right now. I’m on my parents’ computers. Just did that.

I need to update Unholy Confessions and add a guestbook to that. I’m debating on whether to post my slash crap up there for everyone to read. But I don’t know. It’s not that great, but then again, most of my stuff isn’t that great.

Okay. I’m back now.

I have come to believe that Halloween is an excuse for all those slutty chicks, prostitutes, and whores to dress even more provocatively than usual, and it scares me. It’s disgusting how the majority of the females at my school stuff themselves into wanna-be PVC, pleather crap that can’t even cover half their body and try to pass it off as a costume. Costume? What costume? All I see is you in your ugly lingerie prancing around in 10 inch stilettos while trying to capture as many horny guys as possible.

Volleyball tournament tomorrow… gahhh. I hate tournaments. They take forever, and the last time I got sick. Oh well, good excuse to listen to over 12 hours of music without anyone trying to talk to me.

Now I forgot what I was going to say…

Just shut the hell up. I’m sick of hearing how I’m not good enough, or I need to improve, or I need to do this or that. Just shut UP. I already know how I’m not worthy of whatever. I don’t need your annoying, obnoxious high-pitched voice telling me to. As stupid as I may seem, I do pick up on things sometimes. As clueless as I am, I’m sometimes in tune with what’s going on. Better yet, shut up, go away, ignore me.

Game tomorrow against… Santa Clara I believe. Yeaahhh. We’re going to kick ass, just like we did last time.

Stupid cPanel isn’t working. Grr.

Anyhoo, I need a new layout for my journal. This one is annoying me, so maybe if I have time I’ll upload it later.

I feel so empty. I feel so lost. Something in me is missing. I’m living, but not really living. It’s as if I don’t exist. I’m an empty shell existing without a soul. My insides have been sucked out of me. I can’t explain it, I can’t describe it. I don’t know myself anymore.

Lately I’ve been extremely moody, and it’s not PMSing. So many things are ticking me off; even the simplest of things. Maybe things have just reached their climax and I’m about to blow. Maybe there’s something that I just don’t know about, but whatever it is, I definitely don’t like it. It’s making me be downright rude to people for no particular reason, and that’s not right.

I have some questions for you… What’s your opinion?
1. What do you feel about suicide?
2. What would you do if you could burn specific memories?

1. Suicide to me is like the exit to something horrible called life. Those who do it can’t take the crap anymore. Me? I think about it a lot, but in the near future, I don’t think it’ll be something I toy with. There are just some things… well… yeah. I don’t want to get too deep, because who knows who might read this. Someone did predict that I would kill myself this year though… stupid bitch. You make me laugh.

2. Oh how I wish I could burn memories. Maybe life wouldn’t be like this, and I could just live carefreely and not have to care about a damn thing. After all, what hurts is gone. I wouldn’t have to look at you, and feel something inside of me. There are so many things that I could say I wouldn’t, but just because I permanently forget doesn’t mean it can all be happyflappy rainbows and butterflies with sparkling white ponies.

That was rather random, this whole entry.

Oh how I love stupid people. Not really.
I had the weirdest comments made to me today… it made me laugh. Sorta.

1. “You’re such a wannabe Goth.“ Me = Goth doesn’t work out. Sorry, kids, but labels = naughty naughty. Bad boy(s) for attempting to label me. I’m not even close to this thing you call “Goth".

2. “You’re such a lesbian.“ It’s either you’re lesbian, or you’re not. Hello, homosexuals are people too. It’s rude to refer to people as if they were objects. You also spoke that comment as if there was something wrong about loving someone of your same gender. If it’s love, it’s love. Deal with it. I’m straight, slightly leaning, and not narrow, thank you very much.

There was one more except I can’t remember it off the top of my head right now. Gaaaah. But *shrugs* whatever.

Played Fremont today for VB. Kicked ass, yeah? 2-0. 1st game : 25-10 and 2nd game : 25-9. Whootwhoot, but they’re not that good anyways.

Damn that freak who thought school should be mandatory for all people under the age of 18. School is a horrible curse that has been unleashed.

The library, by far, is one of the greatest places on earth. It’s quiet, air-conditioned and has actually a lot of good CDs. Perhaps, not always in the best condition or the latest, but those you can always borrow from friends. Some of the old stuff is good. I love the library. Then the books. Maybe not as good as CDs, but it keeps you entertained. Books are good.

Gahh. I found a plugger script, except it doesn’t work very well. Please, please, please, does anyone know of any others?

Dinner calls. Will finish post later.

Quit asking me why I’m always alone during whenever I’m not required to be in class. I choose to isolate myself. I don’t wish to be in the most crowded areas of school listening to you babble about your crap. “Oh no! I can’t go to the party! My mom caught me smoking yesterday!” or “Did you hear about so-and-so? They’re going out with Marjorie!” I don’t really give a fuck, about who is going out with who, or who’s got the hottest party. I’ve better things to do with my precious time. I don’t want to listen to your overcaffienated popstars blaring through the crap speakers in the damn rally court. I don’t give a fuck.
And you know what else? Don’t you dare just blame it on me. I’ve been there talking to several friends. You isolate me. So what if I don’t share your same views on God and higher powers? Why the hell do you feel the need to lecture me on not being a good Christian? I don’t choose to believe, I’m just forced to go to church every weekend. Why the hell do you try to force your fake-ass music on me? I don’t do the same to you. You’re the ones who want to listen to what’s in my headphones.

Goddamnit. And I must bid you farewell because I will probably be disconnected from my internet in .0001 seconds.

Mind you, this rant is far from over.

By the way, does anyone know a script to plug everyone who comments on your entry for Wordpress? I know there’s one for b2… but yeah.

I’ll comment on everyone later. I promise.

This post didn’t really make sense, did it…?

There are many things that I dislike, but being expected of is one of my most passionately hated. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate having things expected of me, because you know what? Sometimes I don’t live up to that. I’m not perfect. I don’t want to be perfect. I hate letting people down just because they think I’m one way or the other. I hate being told what I’m supposed to do because I am this, or that. Humans are alive. We think, we breathe, we interact. The chains and bonds of stereotypes are pure idiocy to conform people to, and that is what makes me extremely angry.
Girls are supposed to be one way. They’re not allowed to burp, fart, discuss bodily functions, wear guys’ clothing, pick their noses. Whatever, okay? I refuse to conform just to be like everyone else.

I was reading the school newspaper the other day because I’m an idiot like that and I came across the message “…no articles of clothing with messages of Satanic worship…” Wouldn’t that basically be a violation of the Constitution? Everyone can have whatever religion that they want including Satanism. You see Christian people wearing their little bible verse shirts and sweatshirts, their “unconditional love” shirts, and whatever. You see Jewish people, and Muslims wearing their things. What is wrong with messages of Satanic worship?

I also had a strange conversation with my mom last night before things got ugly and I left the house for a few hours. She believes there is something wrong with being homosexual. I asked her because we were on the topic of John Kerry and George Bush. What if I was bisexual? What would she do then? “Wait until you’re 21.” What the hell? I could be bisexual right now for all she knows… “God does not allow homosexuality.” Yeah, well I’m sure God wants everyone to be happy too. I’m sure God wants people to love each other too.

More later. I need to shower. Badly.

Okay. I’m back.

I went to Tournament of the Bands. Damn, I want to be in marching band now. Why the fuck did I ever quit, anyways?
Mr. Fey came over and talked to me. He said, “Why aren’t you in marching band, little one?” Because I’m retarded that’s why.

I saw Aaron again. It’s been a bit since I’ve seen him. I think it’s like 2 months now since we broke up? Very awkward. He forgot my damn CDs again. I swear to God, I’m going to kill that boy when I see him at our Monta Vista vs. Lynbrook volleyball game again. Either that, or I’ll set his pig loose on him later when we get it. I swear I’ll do it if I don’t get my CDs back. It’s been like 3 months since he’s borrowed them now. Grr.

It’s kinda funny. People don’t really notice you sitting at a bus stop at 11 at night. The police don’t stop to ask you what the hell you’re doing. The only people who actually noticed me were the drunks, who started honking. It’s rather quiet at night on the street. Cold, but relaxing as well. Who’da thought it?

Yeah! So I finally decided on a blogging program. I betcha can’t guess what it is! *sticks out tongue*

Anyways… we played a volleyball game today. We kicked ass. I guess I’m a starter then? *shrugs* I don’t really pay attention to these things.

What is up with parents and grades? Yeah, I know they’re important and everything, but it’s just an ugly letter on a wasted sheet of paper. There is no real meaning. It might reflect your academic abilities, but only to a certain point. Some people don’t do well when it comes to tests and that other whatnot. Does that mean they are stupid? No, of course not. It’s not like they are not learning. They just don’t function with tests and that stuff. Tests and quizzes are basically just testing your memorization skills. Maybe some people don’t memorize things as well. Does that mean they are stupid? No.
Grades are not your life. They’re just ugly marks on a wasted sheet of paper.

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