“Bleed these colors open wide”

I promised I would blog, didn’t I? Well here it goes…

“Burning blues from butterflies”

1) Past two weeks have been pretty shitty. Problems have been going on and off and on. Especially with… Bob. It’s over now. And maybe for the best. I feel so alone now… so alone and so pathetic. And maybe I’m not. And maybe I am. But I don’t know.
Maybe it was for the best.

“(Tonight we, Tonight we fly)”

2) I revamped the whole site. Again. Everything should be working now. Including the guestbook which I finally got around to fixing after… after a long time. All the fanlistings are up, including the ones I was approved for many, many months ago.

“Flying faster through the night”

3) My birthday is coming up on Sunday, March 20th. And then the Atreyu concert, the Saturday after that

“Until the orange of morning light”

And that about sums up my life for the past couple of weeks after everything was destroyed.
I am such a boring person. No life, no life, no life. Hah.

“(Dear black goodbye, Dear black goodbye)”

Jealousy is a horrible thing… that’s the reason why we’re over. Jealousy & paranoia of being left for another boy. Because she (his ex) left him for another boy. And he’s constantly afraid of me leaving him for another boy… which I would never. But maybe he has reason to be afraid because most of my best friends are guys. (But then my best friends all have others that they are with or are stuck on.)
I would never leave him… not for another guy. That is just total disrespect and I hate being disrespectful because it is just wrong.
I’ve tried to explain… but I guess… I didn’t try hard enough or something.

“I know it’s hard to make this work/When you’re all alone (Alone)”

I have actually been pretty mature about this, and decided to continue… existing? I can’t find the right word. But something like that, rather than just sitting in my little corner and crying. Being with people makes the hurt disappear for a while. And it’s good. I don’t want to cry at school.

“And I’ve been waiting for so long/To hold you in my arms.”

But then the funny thing is, I get home, and I’m thinking, and everything comes flooding back and I’m sitting and crying again.

“Embrace forever my sweet girl”

I hate crying. It makes me feel so weak. And even more pathetic.

“You are the ghost of everything/that I’m not and I want to be.”

I’ll deal.
Please excuse the randomness of this blog. I don’t feel like making my thoughts make sense right now.